Bobbye and I spoke at Professional Women’s Fellowship last week. The topic was “Depression and the Holidays.” No one wants to think that the holidays could be associated with depression. We want to think that it is a time of joy and peace. However, the holidays can also be very stressful. We already have no margin in our lives on an everyday basis and then we have to add more things in our less time schedules.
The holidays are also “remembrance markers.” In other words, if we received a great gift during a Christmas, we remember it. We might not remember which Christmas year but we definitely remember it was Christmas time. If we get into a family conflict or a death occurs during the holidays, every holiday season brings it back to mind. Days can go by into weeks without having a remembrance marker but at the holidays, we remember the good and the bad things that have happened during other holidays. As a result, the holidays can be painful.
So for some of us, we find ourselves needing to act happy when deep down, we are really sad. How do we deal with ourselves while having such conflicting emotional pulls?
I really believe that in order to heal from past wounds that have happened during the holidays, we have to give some constructive thought and give some carved out time to those things that have hurt us. We need the ability to take a break, sit down and reason with the Lord over them, especially during the holidays.
Bobbye was telling me the other day that she woke up at 2am to wrestle with the Lord about certain thoughts that continue to pull at her heart. She said, “I have to keep this concern close to the Lord. I have to depend on Him to work with my thoughts so I do not take this matter into my own hands.” She is a wise woman (and a good friend).
She has learned that it is not good to push down and suppress the conflicts because they will resurface. It is also not good to regurgitate your thoughts over and over or have practice sessions in your mind of what we should have, could have or would have said. The more time we give to our own negative thoughts and incidences, the less ability we will have to reasonably make wise decisions.
Instead, we bring these things to the Lord. He is the only One who has the ability to change the situation or to change our perspective. We need to reason with the Lord until we know that our concerns are fully before Him. We need to be brutally honest with Him as He already knows what we are thinking and feeling. Then, when we get up from putting those things down, we can continue to live for Him instead of giving the time and attention to the conflict.
As the thoughts return, it is important to take it captive and say, “I have given that situation to the Lord. It is His concern now. I am choosing to trust Him.”
When I look back on my life, it has not been hassle free. I have had to deal with many conflicts and struggles as we all do. However, I can honestly tell you that the Lord has a way of working through them all if you allow Him to move in your heart and mind and you give Him time. God is on an eternal clock. He is not in a rush, not even during the Holidays.
Our family is in turmoil. My mom is in so much emotional pain and her pain is so undeserved. She is an incredible mom and grandma. 6 yrs ago she made a rather benign comment to my sister about my sister’s daughter..it blew up into a war..my poor mom and dad did not see most of my family for several years. I stayed very close to them ( my son too) and fueled the fire by writing anger filled letters etc. it was all devastating..we recovered but it was always there. They wounded my mom…and my dad..the whole family contracted various health problems at this time. We are still dealing with that!
again a comment made to my 17 yr old niece by my mom..( my God what kind of generation is this that grandparents need to weigh every thing they say? ..My gram could have said anything and never would I have banished her)Keep in mind my mom has been there for all of us..helped raise our kids in the most loving way, cards, phone calls, involvement in all of our lives, asking nothing in return….
Our dad died at age 70 two yrs ago Dec 20th..we removed him from life support after 2 days. his heart had stopped in dialysis at the hospital..15 minutes after a very normal chat with my mom over the phone.( he was to be discharged the next day though his life was losing quality with the weakness and debilitation from heart disease and dialysis etc….).it has been horrible..the grief especially for my mom.
my 2 sisters and their families have again ganged up on her and have not been calling or visiting her.(we all live within miles of each other).and she is widowed and still grieving. My son is 12 and very close to mom..and she is my best friend..all of her friends who know, her therapist, my friends..cannot believe this good family has crushed her like this..I have been a psychiatric RN for 25 years..I have seen it all!! and cannot believe these are the people I have loved and called family. Can you imagine Christmas like this? My niece had invited my mom, my son, me and my partner to Thanksgiving then uninvited us when she learned of this conversation between my mom and my niece ( my niece I may add is a 17 yr old diva, verbally abusive to her mom, controlling with her family and very entitled)..I have strong psych skills and help people cope daily ,,,but am lost with this. My moms pain is so intense… and she is such a joy…I know i will never be close again to these people.. and we had very good times…
I am gay, came out about 3 yrs ago..my twin has turned away completely ( her separation from my mom has something to do with that..my mom has come far in being supportive of me..never liking my lifestyle but loving the ME i still AM..the other family members have been very good and tolerant..)
help me by just praying for us. Donna is my MOM…she is truly all a mom should be..imagine being banished like this again but also trying to handle the grief of losing your mate of nearly 50 yrs…my emotional pain is so deep and my anger at my sisters intense..
do we just give this to GOD? Can He repair this??
so very sad..
that is the holiday we face..mom, Brady , Elli and I will be together and have been invited to friends for Christmas if we want…my mom is so sad..makes my heart hurt.
Pray please for the family , for my mom to be at peace…
thank you
jan